just woke up, got a lot on my mind. Been having vivid dreams lately, and quite frankly I finally realized what they're telling me. I need to move on with my life. In one of my dreams I tried talking to my friend, who now lives down south, because I haven't seen her in soo long. It turns out I interrupted her because she was talking to somebody else. That person resembled a boy I once liked and she politely told me to wait outside the art room. There was alot of tension building up, and all I could remember is that the boy I once liked gave a letter for me to read as I left school. As I woke up, I was confused because I didn't understand what was going on. The next dream was kinda disappointing. In it I was trying to say hi to some kid that I once knew back in 07 -08'. He was a fashion designer who had dyed blonde hair. As I waved at him he got mad and walked away :( the last dream was the same thing, but in more detail. We were all in school, I guess preparing for a play or to watch a play at the auditorium. As we were waiting I waved to same boy I tried to say hi to before, this time he was signaling me to stop. Next to him was the boy I used to like(akward?) and after whatever the fuck that was over. There was an art show and I saw my paintings one something. Before I left the school there was another play going on, but I believe it must have been something else. Oh I remember now! My whole class of 11' was dining at this huge ball room with many other people. Many of them were talking about calorado, which makes sense, I'll explain why.

what happened was that these dreams are telling me that friends come and go. Obviously I'll never see these kids again, I'll be living in the southside near the big city and a huge beach. The last two weeks really changed my life, I'm the not the same person. I tend to cling to one person for emotional support when the other person isn't available. Alot of person been asking me "who are you waiting for" " you waiting for someone", etc. it's because I haven't been able to actually make friends the right way. This person happens to be the kind of guy I would most care for. But in reality it seem that it couldnot happen, thusly we're no more than friends. I need to go on with my life. These people will not see me anymore. I need to keep moving forward. Make friends with the people that will care, and find love that'll never destroy me emotionally. In the meantime I'll be here Packing up all my belongings and better myself and my future. Who knows I'll problably even move away to a new state and make a life of my own!

edit: it looks like I prolly won't make it to umass on time. My scores are very low, but there is a chance I could get in due to my high GPA. In turn, Im going to fill out an app for community college. I'll be attending the school for only three months, then transfer to umass in Jan. Problem is, for the online app, i need a PIN and I don't have anything. Plus their print out app is confusing as he'll, docent say shit about the two classes I need to do in order to transfer just in case. Damn this backup plan sounds soo bad.this is why I never wanted to stay in this state. Oh well, since califorinia hasn't said anything yet, I applied online for the second time, and signed up for more info. Right now I'm filling out a tiny app for SAIC. After that I'm gonna check out more info about the school. Hmmm, this sounds good.